Newsletter

April 2008 · Newsletter Archive

"Pain and foolishness lead to great bliss and complete knowledge, for Eternal Wisdom created nothing under the sun in vain." -Kahlil Gibran, "The Voice of the Poet"

Bigger Mouths Make Better Voiceovers

Scientific studies have recently confirmed the greater the gob, the greater the vocal prowess! So, if your mouth isn't all that monstrous, fear not... excessive gum chewing has been linked to a more measurable mouth.

Better yet, shove your whole hand in there every day to extend the perimeters of your puss. In fact, if you add a wool sock on the end of your paw, insert that into your mouth every morning before breakfast, and recite the Gettysburg Address you'll fast become the most sought after sensation at your talent agency. Talk about agility!

Besides, Letterman's always looking for crazy parlor tricks and that one oughta top them all.

Cartoon Characters Strike Against Unfair Treatment

Tired of having random pianos and anvil's hoisted and hurled from great heights onto their tender heads, scores of ill-treated cartoon characters walked out of Warner Brothers in a dramatic fury yesterday afternoon complete with a Carl Stalling soundtrack, vowing not to return until the violence and abuse ends.

"Look at these lumps!" Pete Puma denounced, pointing to the lumps upon lumps he sported, topped only further by a tiny pork-pie hat. "I can't keep this sort of thing going. Nobody can! It's inhuman!"

"Yes, but isn't that the whole point?" stated renowned illustrator Matt Groening. This comment evoked groans from lesser-known cartoon characters and their frequently beaten sidekicks.

Disappointed at the on-going dummying down of the more rough and tumble cartoons of old, Bugs Bunny refused to comment and simply ducked paparazzi after making a dash into long-time friend and associate, George Clooney's waiting limo.

No word when the rank and file characters will return to the table or return to work. Notable film actor Brad Pitt (Cool World) has been asked to weigh in since he's now so well-known for his good work in New Orleans and abroad, but no word has come from the Pitt-Jolie camp.

Minor characters must simply wait and see.

Voice-UNDER Comes to the Fore

After years in obscurity, the world's most notorious voice-UNDER artist makes himself sheepishly known for the first time... ever.

Bob Peekish has spent much of his adult life OFF-mic. His voice can not be heard on such commercials as Duracell, Orville Reddenbacher Popcorn, Hoover vacuum cleaners, Home Depot and many, many more. Instead, Bob would remain so far off mic his voice is barely if ever audible.

"My plan has always been to spend every session in the bathroom where I could be certain I wouldn't be heard," Bob whispered. "But my agent neglected to tell me this Scrubbing Bubbles spot called for some last minute foley work and my perfect record was ruined. I had to clear my throat."

Nevertheless, Bob has graduated to episodic television where he can not be heard on an upcoming episode of Las Vegas opposite Tom Selleck.

"Hear that? (dull silence) That's me."

That's an Earful!

Bringing your own headset to a recording session might seem rather cumbersome, but considering the 'cauliflower-ear' epidemic currently running rampant in most local studios, it's a small price to pay.

"My ear actually grew a 10 lb. cauliflower head in one short, half-hour session," local voiceover, Tony Estinada explained loudly.

Dr. Jungo Kornese purports, "This strain of 'cauliflower ear virus' is the worst I've seen. If more voiceover talent simply kept their clothes on during recording sessions, you probably wouldn't have this problem. God knows what's in those headsets."

Tony Estinada is taking donations for hat fittings and has sworn off most vegetables for the time being.

Krispy Kremes and a CD on the side

In our constant quest to make our clients more comfortable and happy, SOUND ADVICE announces the opening of the first-ever Krispy Kreme Donuts and voiceover studio! So, while we continue to serve up delicious coaching, recording and audio sessions of every variety... we'll now offer piping hot java and a nice chocolate glazed at the same time. In Chicago, watch Colleen and Jeff pour that now-famous glazing over freshly baked donuts! David and Camilla, in Los Angeles,will happily don the white hair net while tracking your next session! The fabulous conveyor will cart scores of our hot, tasty donuts in a nice loopety-loop around the booth and back again, while you're recording your demo. If you're driving past either office-look for the "HOT NOW" sign flashing out front. This ought to make every session a little sweeter. Be sure to wash your hands before returning to the booth.

Staff Changes at SOUND ADVICE

Considering the terrific amount of technical details and expertise required to deliver to you and our BIG HOUSE clients the very best possible service, we have decided to go that extra mile and hire backup like we've never seen in our profession. Starting today-APRIL 1st, 2008... each employee here at SOUND ADVICE will have his or her own personal Production Monkey. So, as soon as we can train them to wear pants and hold a spoon we ought to be in business. Until then, please bear with us during this rather kinetic, rather hectic, if not flat-out chaotic transitional period. We're confident the results will be... well, interesting. Until next month (or maybe even sooner)...

we wish you HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!! -Kate and crew