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April’s Foolish 2010 Edition · Newsletter Archive

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities




Voice-UNDER Comes to the Fore

After years in obscurity, the world's most notorious voice-UNDER artist makes himself sheepishly known for the first time... ever.
Bob Peekish has spent much of his adult life OFF-mic. His voice can not be heard on such commercials as Duracell, Orville Reddenbacher Popcorn, Hoover vacuum cleaners, The Home Depot and many, many more. Instead, Bob would remain so far off mic his voice is barely if ever audible.
"My plan has always been to spend every session in the bathroom where I could be certain I wouldn't be heard," Bob whispered. "But my agent neglected to tell me this “Scrubbing Bubbles” spot called for some last minute Foley work and my perfect record was ruined when I had to clear my throat."
Nevertheless, Bob has graduated to episodic television where he cannot be heard on an upcoming episode of Grey’s Anatomy opposite Patrick Dempsey.
"Hear that? (dull silence) That's me."




Voice-over Explosion Heard ‘Round the World

Man’s quest to be heard cannot be over-sold.
In fact, recently one Stanley Schwartzman, of Rochester, New York, made an attempt to be featured in the renowned Guinness World Records by voicing more phone prompts for a single vendor than any other living individual to date.
Apparently, Schwartzman set out to make history while, as fate would have it, AT&T happened to simultaneously be searching for their “on-hold” voice for Canada, New Zealand, Japan, France, Russia, the better part of the African Continent, remote corners of India (as they do most of their own phone prompts—as a rule), New Guinea, the Netherlands, China, the US and Iceland.
His marathon phone prompt sessions read in multiple tongues, and at break-neck speeds were said to create such a fevered pitch as to generate friction strong enough to have ignited last week’s volcanic eruption in Iceland, which had been dormant for the better part of two hundred years.
“One more gig like this might just set off another Tsunami off Sri Lanka and we won’t be held responsible,” an AT&T spokeperson stated.



The ULTIMATE Key to Success

Chicago band, OK-Go have proven in a laboratory test that a mess must be made in order to ultimately succeed at anything, as seen here in this short video. Further, it apparently does take a village—if not a small army, as well as a great deal of patience. One warning: if you’re a neat freak this may ‘rock’ your very foundation.

Say “WHA…”?!

Renowned Academy Award-Winning film director, James Cameron, has outdone himself again, but this time he has the voice-over community up in arms. His latest technical animation invention apparently replaces the human voice by combining stomach growlings of donkeys and low snarls of house cats.
“I want more blue in his voice! WHERE’S the blue?!” Cameron was overheard yelling at the top of his lungs during a brief “reanimation” session last Thursday.
“He’s calling them ‘reanimations’,” one intern stated dully, referring to the Cameron crew replacing all the memorable voices on the classic Popeye cartoons with his sound invention.
“It’s weird how much they sound like the original,” one tech whispered to another. “That’s because they ARE the original, you a@#h%&*,” another responded under his breath.
Cameron’s next project? Replacing all sound effects for film and television with baby giggles. “It’s amazing how versatile they are,” the Avatar director mused.
Just then the head engineer laughed so hard he shot milk out his nose.

That's an Earful!

Bringing your own headset to a recording session might seem rather cumbersome, but considering the 'cauliflower-ear' epidemic currently running rampant in most local studios, it's a small price to pay.
"My ear actually grew a 10 lb. cauliflower head in one short, half-hour session," local voice-over, Tony Estinada explained loudly.
Dr. Jungo Kornese purports, "This strain of 'cauliflower ear virus' is the worst I've seen. If more voice-over talent simply kept their clothes on during recording sessions, you probably wouldn't have this problem. God knows what's in those headsets."
Tony Estinada is taking donations for hat fittings and has sworn off most vegetables for the time being.



Staff Changes at SOUND ADVICE

Considering the terrific amount of technical details and expertise required to deliver to you and our BIG HOUSE clients the very best possible service, we have decided to go that extra mile and hire backup like we've never seen in our profession. Starting APRIL 1st, 2010... each employee here at SOUND ADVICE will have his or her own personal Production Monkey. So, as soon as we can train them to wear pants and hold a spoon we ought to be in business. Until then, please bear with us during this rather kinetic, rather hectic, if not flat-out chaotic transitional period. We're confident the results will be... well, exciting! Until next month…

We wish you HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!! And a warm, successful Spring!
- Kate and crew